I can distinctly remember fantasizing about what it would feel like to kiss her.For a long time, I didn't think that I could ever feel about a man the way I felt about women. When I was 15, I started identifying as a lesbian and exclusively saw women, but when I was 17, I started identifying as bisexual. So when a guy I’m interested in tells me that he’s a “bisexual,” shouldn’t I run? But once I got the initial panic out of the way (OK, I called my friend and frantically yelled, “911! I’d met him a week or so prior, when I was in town from Chicago, visiting a friend of mine. Naturally, I’m hypersensitive to red flags these days. Granted, when the guy came out of his demi-closet to me, I didn’t know him very well." But unfortunately for my ex as well as for all the other bisexual men and women out there, the straight and gay people who use a bisexual identity as a "halfway house" contribute to the widespread negative notion that anyone who identifies as bi is actually a flimsy, half-hearted gay man or lesbian.
Needless to say, I was a sucker for him right from the start. He was aggressive and self-assured, and not at all afraid of my girlie parts.
At most, it's only evidence that the person cheated and is therefore not presently cut out for monogamous dating. Many gay guys (myself included) claim to be bisexual as a sort of "baby step" out of the closet.
We’re too scared to swing the door all the way open with a fabulous "We're here!
Dan Savage once observed that “most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships.” Whether or not you’re a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships. Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist, actually either “just a phase” or a stepping-stone on the path to “full-blown gayness.” Knowing that wasn’t true, I decided to investigate.
Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection, and concerns over physical safety.
He was a true "50-50" bi guy, a lover of men and women, not an “attention-seeker” or a "halfway-there gay man" or any of the ridiculous and offensive claims people make about bisexuals. This led to his heartache, since he was trying to date me, a gay guy who was not monogamously inclined (and still isn’t), a guy who was too immature to say, “Hey, I’m not really looking for a relationship.” This seems basic, but it's unfortunately still necessary to note in an ongoing effort to counteract this bizarre notion that someone who is attracted to multiple genders will inevitably miss having sex with people of the gender they’re not sleeping with, and cheat. For him, as well as for many others, his claim to bisexuality wasn’t a transitional phase or halfway point between straight and gay.